Generational Trauma: The War within a Family

Is generational trauma always related to war? The varying degrees of generational trauma and how acceptance of past events can assist us in creating a better future.

What is Generational Trauma: An Overview

Generational trauma is a term used to describe the adverse effects of trauma that are passed down from generation to generation. It can manifest itself in a variety of ways, from physical or mental health issues to difficulties forming healthy relationships. Though it can be difficult to discuss and understand, it is important to recognize the impact that generational trauma has on individuals and families.

As I reflect on generational trauma, I can't help but think about my family's own history.

Which prompts the question:

Isn't it in fact our family's history that we blame our upbringing on?

Photo by Kris Cros "March of Freedom, Warsaw, Poland"

My grandparents lived through the horrors of war and displacement, carrying the wounds of their experiences with them as they raised their children. Those experiences, in turn, shaped the way my parents raised me and how I have chosen (or not) to continue to navigate the world around me today.

We have a choice of how we prefer to navigate our own world - a world that is intimate only to us and independent from our parents' experiences. While they may advise us on matters based on their wisdom, ultimately it is up to us as individuals to decide which risks we take in pursuit of a fulfilling life experience.

In reality, if we believe that there is a possibility of a historical event repeating, are we not giving it a life of its own? During that moment, we are certainly not rewriting the future, but expecting the same negative outcome to occur, giving it all of our focus needed for expansion.

It's a heavy burden to bear, knowing that the trauma of past generations can seep into our own lives without us even realizing it. It is important to acknowledge and confront this reality, both on an individual level and a societal one. Only then can we work towards healing and breaking the cycle of trauma for future generations. The generations that never had to nor will live through any of it in the first place.

I often think, that when we discuss the process of "healing", we make the conscious decision not to be around anything that reminds us of our pasts. If we do find ourselves in the company of others, whether family, friends or the media, our minds and bodies are unwillingly taken back to those events.

Then, we often fall back to our outdated beliefs and memories that support them. Our physical sensations remain the same regardless of whether they're generated by recent or distant experiences — our bodies keep score long after we've forgotten the event itself.

The same concept can be applied to domestic violence survivors. We only heal when we objectively accept that any past events provide us with the knowledge that trauma, while varying in levels of intensity, happens to everyone.

I followed my own advice and decided to take a hiatus from my own family. This was partially due to the need for growth and the need to expand my self-awareness.

If I went against my intuitive need to do so, and caved in on the criticism and the opinions of others (including my family's) I would have not broken free of the stigma, generational programming, and often toxic traits that families tend to carry. We do not see our perceived obstacles until we voluntarily remove ourselves from the environment itself.

Whether it was risky or not, the peace and quiet allowed me to do my own research, listen to my own judgment and make my own decisions.

Metaphorically, in the desert, you have no one but the silence of the dunes. Then there you are, staring out into the distance. So what do you do? The silence allows you to listen to the language within you - your intuition.

A quote from The Alchemist came to mind: "My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer." The boy told the alchemist. "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself".

I can attest to that.

I came to understand the secret behind fear - that what our families are afraid of, keeps them static, prohibiting progress and restricting the momentum of forward thinking.

Maybe it is a luxury, to detach, to walk away, at least temporarily. Or maybe "having enough" is the only reason you will ever need. Having a small family, and personally, not having any children, my circumstances gave me the freedom to maneuver the projection I envisioned, that allowed me to cross into many of its proverbial channels.

In order to grow, one must go where the discomfort lies. The only way to grow, to learn, is to take action and be a willing participant in your own journey. You realize this when you have no other choice but to participate.

Today when I contact my parents, I immediately discover the same, encased world, the same beliefs (if not worse by supporting some type of new trend or political movement). It is as if the choice of what they watch, they read, purposefully keeps them in their comfort zone. Anything progressive gets lost in translation.

I noticed that I have forgotten how to communicate with my family, not because of a language barrier, but because of my need to expand and cultivate my mind. I dissociated the version of myself who had once held a common ground.

Stanislaw Grzesiuk's "Five Years in Concentration Camps"

Eastern Europe and World War II

Generational trauma is a common phenomenon in Eastern Europe, particularly due to the lasting effects of World War II. Many people in Eastern Europe are still suffering from the physical and psychological devastation of war, as well as from other oppressive regimes that have risen throughout the region's history.

Leaving an undeniable mark on their collective memories, these experiences have left deep scars on the community, especially for those who lived during the war.

One example of this is Stanislaw Grzesiuk's memoir, “Five Years in Concentration Camps” is a powerful example of how even those living through the horrors of World War II can still hope for a better future.

This is exactly the book my Mother had given me to read when I was around eight years old. She told me that it was an important piece of our country's history and that I should read it. Aside from the harrowing descriptions of a life in a concentration camp, there was also this light hearted approach the author took, with few funny anecdotes. It made the violent passages less disturbing.

Photo by Malek Bee, Auschwitz, Poland

Even during the most difficult of times, there's a silver lining. The lining that brought to focus what was most important to our existence at that particular time: the fact that there was an ounce of food we consumed for the day; that after digging graves for six hours, we managed not to get shot by the Nazi militia while walking back to our bunk houses.

I remember vividly how the story made me feel; it was a reminder to take your life and live in the moment. Make the best out of today and work towards a better tomorrow.

At least, that's the embellished version of how it makes me feel today.

Inevitably, this book, casted a permanent dark void over my life, that I always "felt" the presence of. But it also gave me a sense of hope and optimism; And thus, I realized the importance of resilience and hard work in order to bring out any kind of light in life.

The trouble with wanting your children to know your pain and the struggles of their grandparents, is that it creates this, eternal scar. A scar which serves as a burden that dampens a child's enthusiasm of seeing the world as a joyous place, that is free to explore.

If I were to remain in close contact with my parents it would have been like reading Grzesiuk's book over and over again.

Generational trauma does not only describe the experiences of families that survived war or famine. It encompasses the way our families may limit our progress by communicating restrictions, biases and stereotypical beliefs. A family history may involve anything from substance abuse, verbal abuse to gaslighting and control issues that masquerade as "love" but in reality it is all inspired by the fear within.

Over the years, I have often found my Father's influence to be more impactful than that of my Mother. He was a man who always showed me unwavering support without judgment or criticism – an attitude which created a strong bond between us. There is no doubt in my mind that it was through his loving guidance that I truly grew as a person. A girl raised by her father rather than just parented by him.

Next post: Generational Trauma: How does it show up in your life?

Q: What narratives were you brought up with and how did they affect you?

Q: As a child, what did your Mother / Father say you cannot do?

I'll be discussing generational projections and would love to hear your opinions.

Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing from you all!

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About Natalia Camden

Natalia Camden is a forensic psychology student at Southern New Hampshire University with a deep passion for understanding the complexities of human behavior. She is also the co-founder of The Florida Cat and Dog Project, a nonprofit dedicated to rescuing and rehabilitating animals in need. When she’s not studying or advocating for animal welfare, Natalia enjoys spending time outdoors, whether hiking, exploring nature trails, or finding peace in the natural world. Her academic journey and personal passions reflect a lifelong commitment to compassion, resilience, and making a positive impact on both people and animals. "Our evolution continues despite our resistance to it – and resistance is exactly what continues to drive me forward" - Natalia Camden. Read more 

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